Romance vs. Real Love: Why Both Matter
Sometimes real love is cooking dinner.
For Marriage Week and Valentine’s Day
As Valentine’s Day approaches, romance is everywhere. Cards, flowers, date nights, and love songs celebrate the excitement of being in love, the butterflies, the spark, the feeling of being chosen. Romance deserves its moment. It brings joy, energy, and connection into our lives.
But as Marriage Week reminds us, lasting relationships, whether at home or at work, require more than romance alone. They also depend on something deeper and steadier: real love. The strongest relationships are not built by choosing one over the other, but by understanding why both romance and real love matter.
Understanding Romance
If you were to ask my wife whether I am romantic, she would probably laugh, long enough to make sure you weren’t joking and then confidently say, “Sam does not have a romantic bone in his body.”
I might push back slightly. After all, we’ve been married close to 25 years, so statistically speaking, I must have done something romantic at least once. That part of me may be buried deep... very deep, but I’m fairly certain it exists.
Now, if you were to ask my wife whether I love her, she wouldn’t hesitate. She’d say yes... adding that I love her in my own very unromantic way. And she’s right. Love doesn’t always come with flowers or candlelight. Sometimes it shows up as consistency, commitment, and sticking around day after day. Also, let’s be honest, she’s pretty easy to love.
That’s the thing about romance. We often picture big gestures and movie-worthy moments, but romance is really about helping someone feel chosen and valued. And while it can be flashy, it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes romance is quiet, understated, and hidden beneath a whole lot of real love. If my wife is reading this … of course if she is, she will probably thump me over the head and say you could use more flashy and less hidden.
Understanding Real Love
Real love rarely looks exciting from the outside. In fact, some of the clearest examples of love happen on the most unremarkable evenings.
My wife and I have shared plenty of nights like that, cooking dinner, folding laundry, or sitting through kids’ activities that are meaningful but not exactly thrilling. And yet, it’s often during these ordinary moments that we feel the strongest sense of partnership.
One of us might start making dinner, and the other jumps in to finish it because life happens. A child needs help with homework. A phone call comes in. Something spills. Plans change. No one announces it. No one keeps score. We just adjust and keep moving together.
That’s what real love looks like. It’s not about sparks or special occasions. It’s about dependability. It’s knowing someone has your back when the day doesn’t go as planned. Real love is built in small, everyday choices to show up, pitch in, and keep choosing each other, even when nothing exciting is happening.
These moments may not make for great stories, but they create something far better: trust, stability, and a quiet confidence that you’re not doing life alone.
Why Healthy Relationships Need Both
Romance without real love can feel exciting but unstable. Real love without romance can feel secure but distant. Oh, dear my wife is probably reading this saying, I hope he takes his own advice and does something romantic. Anyway, healthy relationships balance both.
Romance keeps connection warm and engaging. Real love keeps connection safe and dependable.
Together, they create relationships that are not only passionate, but also resilient. Romance invites connection; real love sustains it.
Romance and Real Love in Personal Relationships
In marriage and long-term partnerships, it’s common to worry when romance changes over time. But what often feels like a loss of romance is actually a shift toward a more mature form of love.
Early love says, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Mature love says, “I know you deeply, and I choose you.”
Couples who thrive over time don’t rely on romance to happen automatically. They practice it intentionally within the safety of real love, by expressing appreciation, prioritizing time together, repairing after conflict, and staying emotionally present. Romance becomes less about grand gestures and more about everyday care.
Why This Matters at Work Too
The same balance applies in our work lives. While workplaces aren’t the place for romance, they should have positive relational energy which mirrors romance a little, we will call this “Empowering Presence”. This means it is uplifting, motivating, and inspiring.
Workplace “Empowering Presence” shows up as enthusiasm, encouragement, creativity, and a sense of purpose. It helps people feel motivated and valued.
Workplace “real love” looks like trust, accountability, reliability, and respect. It shows up when colleagues support one another, communicate clearly, and follow through.
Organizations and teams are strongest when both are present. Positive energy fuels engagement, while trust and consistency create stability. Just like in personal relationships, one without the other rarely lasts.
A Valentine’s Day and Marriage Week Reflection
This season offers an opportunity to reframe how we think about love. Instead of asking how to keep the spark alive, we can ask how to build relationships that are both meaningful and lasting.
Romance reminds us why connection matters. Real love determines whether that connection endures.
At home and at work, strong relationships are not built on perfection. They are built on intentional care, shared responsibility, and the willingness to show up, again and again.
That is why romance and real love don’t compete. They work best together, and that is something truly worth celebrating.
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