What Growing Up Without Television Taught Me About Real Love

My parents did me a favor when I was a kid, though at the time, most people would have called it pure torture.

We didn’t have television.

Not limited television. Not basic cable. None. This was back in the 80s and 90s when you needed an antenna, satellite dish, or cable subscription to get anything. We had none of it. I didn’t watch sitcoms. I didn’t see romantic dramas. I didn’t even watch sports. The only way I knew who won the Super Bowl was by reading it in the newspaper the next day.

At the time, I felt slightly deprived, though I became very good at listening to friends describe movies, which meant I could quote scenes without ever seeing them. But looking back, I realize something wonderful happened because we didn’t have television.

When it came to relationships, I wasn’t shaped by what TV said love should look like.

I wasn’t absorbing grand gestures, dramatic proposals, sweeping romance, or Cinderella endings. I wasn’t taught that healthy relationships were built on fireworks and flawless timing.

I was taught by watching my parents.

The Quiet Habits That Make a Marriage Last

My parents’ marriage would not have been exciting by television standards. But it modeled something quieter, and much more real and lasting.

They showed love in small, simple ways.

A hand on the back while passing in the kitchen.
Sitting together after dinner.
Shared laughter over inside jokes.
Ordinary teamwork in everyday life.

Could they have done more? Absolutely, who can’t? But did they know they loved each other? Without question.

Their connection wasn’t flashy. It was steady.

Steady love leaves a deep impression.

Research on strong and stable marriages confirms what I learned in my living room without a TV: thriving relationships are built on everyday habits, open communication, mutual respect, empathy, shared goals, and consistent effort. Not cinematic moments. Not dramatic declarations. Strong marriages are built through small, repeated choices over time.

Small Daily Habits That Strengthen Marriage

If you’re wondering how to build a strong marriage or how to stay connected in marriage long term, it starts with daily habits.

One of the most powerful choices couples can make is focusing on personal growth. It’s easy to believe connection will improve once your partner changes. But often, transformation begins when one person decides to show up differently. In one couple’s story, healing began when one spouse stopped trying to fix the other and instead worked on becoming healthier, learning communication skills, boundaries, and self-awareness. Healthy marriages are built by two people who are willing to grow.

Another simple but powerful daily habit for couples is intentional conversation. Open and honest communication is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction. This doesn’t require hours of processing. It can be as simple as ten focused minutes without phones, asking about each other’s day, listening without interrupting, and offering support. These small check-ins help prevent emotional distance in marriage before it quietly takes root.

Respect works the same way. Mutual respect and trust are core traits of healthy marriages. Respect shows up in tone, in gratitude, and in how you talk about your spouse when they aren’t around. It shows up in choosing not to roll your eyes. In saying “thank you.” In noticing effort. These tiny actions may seem insignificant, but over time they build emotional safety — one of the foundations of lasting love.

Conflict, too, is shaped by habits. Strong couples don’t avoid disagreements; they learn how to communicate during conflict. They slow down. They lower their voices. They ask, “Help me understand.” They shift from trying to win the argument to trying to strengthen the relationship. That mindset shift, practiced consistently, builds resilience and trust.

Intentional rituals also help couples stay connected. Strong marriages don’t happen by accident; they require consistency and effort. A goodbye kiss. A shared breakfast. Running errands together without the kids. Protecting time for just the two of you. These daily rituals say, “We matter.” They help couples maintain connection even during busy or stressful seasons.

What Really Builds a Healthy Relationship

Looking back, I realize my parents modeled many of the habits that build a healthy relationship. Can I improve on what they showed me? Yes. Absolutely yes. That’s the beauty of growth in marriage. We take the good we were given, and we build on it. We become more intentional. We learn better communication skills. We practice stronger emotional awareness.

In a culture that often promotes dramatic romance and big gestures, it’s easy to believe love should feel cinematic. But the reality is quieter.

Deep connection is built in kitchens.
In carpools.
In ordinary Tuesdays.

It’s built in patient responses, small kindnesses, and repeated efforts to turn toward each other instead of away.

Strong marriages aren’t created by a single grand moment.

They are built slowly,  one small habit at a time.

Sometimes, the greatest relationship lessons aren’t what we watched on a screen.

They’re what we quietly witnessed at home.