The Easiest Way to Instantly Improve Your Relationship
“Is there one simple thing I can do to make my relationship better?”
Actually—yes.
You’ve probably heard all the usual advice before: “Just communicate more.” “Put each other first.” “Never go to bed angry.” While these tips sound nice, they’re often too vague to put into action—especially if you're still figuring out what real, healthy communication even looks like in a committed relationship.
So here’s one concrete, research-backed tip that can completely change the trajectory of your relationship:
Turn. Toward. Your. Partner.
This simple strategy, from relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, is one of the strongest predictors of a lasting, healthy relationship. It’s all about how you respond to your partner’s bids for connection—those everyday moments when they’re reaching out to feel seen, heard, or loved.
What’s a “Bid” in a Relationship?
A bid is any attempt to get your attention, affection, or support. These bids can be verbal or non-verbal, serious or silly, obvious or subtle.
Verbal bids:
“You won’t believe what happened at work.”
“Did you see that meme I sent you?”
“Want to go on a walk with me?”
“Can you come sit with me for a minute?”
Non-verbal bids:
A deep sigh
A lingering glance
A wink
A playful nudge
Sitting near you when you're working
They’re everyday moments—but they matter big time.
How You Respond Makes or Breaks Connection
When your partner makes a bid, you’ve got three options:
✅ Turn toward them
You acknowledge the bid and respond with interest or affection.
Example: Your partner sighs. You look up and say, “You okay?” or reach out and grab their hand.
❌ Turn away from them
You ignore the bid, even unintentionally. You stay glued to your phone or distracted by work.
Example: They sigh, and you keep scrolling TikTok without looking up.
🚫 Turn against them
You respond with criticism, sarcasm, or irritation.
Example: You snap, “Why do you always sigh like that? It’s annoying.”
Turning toward your partner builds emotional intimacy. It shows them:
💬 “I see you. I hear you. I care.”
And that kind of connection adds up. Gottman found that couples who regularly turn toward each other have stronger, more resilient relationships—and are far more likely to stay together long-term.
Why This Works (Even When You’re Busy)
In healthy relationships, the little things ARE the big things. It’s not about grand gestures—it’s about those small moments of connection that build trust over time.
Turning toward your partner:
Builds emotional safety
Strengthens trust and intimacy
Reduces conflict by increasing positive interactions
Makes both of you feel seen and appreciated
And it doesn’t take hours a day. A two-second smile, a quick check-in, or a “Want a snack?” can be all it takes.
How to Start Turning Toward Each Other
🧠 Step 1: Pay Attention
Start noticing how your partner bids for connection. Is it in their voice? Body language? Habits?
📱 Step 2: Put down the distractions
When possible, pause the scroll, make eye contact, and engage—especially during moments they’re clearly looking for connection.
🫶 Step 3: Respond intentionally
Say something. Smile. Touch their arm. Ask a follow-up question. Anything that shows “I’m here with you.”
💬 Step 4: Talk about it
Bring up the idea of bids with your partner. Ask:
“What are some ways you try to connect with me?”
“What helps you feel loved and noticed?”
“Have I ever missed one of your bids?” (Be open to feedback!)
Bonus: This Works Beyond Romantic Relationships
Once you start noticing bids, you’ll see them everywhere—from your kids, your coworkers, your friends. Turning toward others builds stronger, more positive relationships across the board.
But in your romantic relationship, it’s especially powerful. These small moments of connection form the emotional glue that holds everything together.
Want a Better Relationship? Start Here.
If you do just one thing this week, make it this:
Turn toward your partner’s bids for connection.
It’s free. It’s simple. And it has the power to completely transform the way you love—and feel loved—in return.